Frank and Columbia (or Frank Backstory Part 1)
by Charlotte Thompson
Summary: The first section of my two part story. What happens when Frank and Columbia get put as lab partners for a frog dissection? All song credits go to their respective owners. Read ONLY if you have a dark sense of humor.


Frank sat in his honors biology class, bored out of his mind. Then his teacher said "I have the list for tomorrow's lab." He heard the word lab and his ears perked up. He listened through the whole list, eagerly waiting for his pairing. He then heard "Columbia, you are paired with Frank." He looked at her, then let his head hit the desk with more force then it should have.

"Hi Frank." She said, pulling up a chair. All Frank knew about Columbia was that she was annoying and she didn't belong in this class.

He lifted his head and sighed. "Hello Columbia. Are you sure there isn't anyone you would like to swap with?" He asked.

"Positive. Plus I already used my one swap." She answered. "So tomorrow it is you, me and the frog."

"Who did you want to be with?" Frank asked, hoping her answer wouldn't be him.

"You! Now who would you rather kiss? The frog or me?"

"The frog."  
"The only reason you even know me is because I am Genta's best friend. I have always wanted to have an excuse to get to know you. Who knew frog guts would end up being the reason?" She was waiting for a response.

"This will be really fun." Frank said sarcastically.

Columbia noted the sarcasm and double checked to make sure no one was looking. She sat on his desk.

Frank preoccupied himself with a science fiction novel about humans. "I am not looking for a romantic relationship, Columbia." He said, as he read about the way these Earthlings had a thing called a "government" and how it basically told everyone what to do. These eighteen year olds thought they could change it with a "vote". He laughed a little because he thought of his public. They wouldn't know what was good for them if it hit them over the head.

Columbia sighed and rolled her eyes. "I am your biggest fan." She almost begged.

"You and twenty other girls and at least ten other guys and they are just before lunch." Frank pointed out.

Columbia understood. "Genta's list of fans who want her bra barely fits in that castle." She answered.

"Riffraff's list of possible suitors is actually significantly shorter." Frank noted. "He is more in the shadows. I mean I am the eldest. They had Riffraff then Magenta. Riffraff is in the middle, so the only one who ended up really having a crush on him was Genta. Mainly because he would never be part of the monarchy." His eyes didn't leave his book.

"Genta told you?" Columbia asked. Frank nodded.

"My room is near Genta's. I can hear them." Frank pointed out.

Columbia laughed. "So do you ever make them put their pillows over their ears?"

Frank shook his head. "I am constantly being bombarded by fans. I will have a girlfriend when I am damn good and ready." He responded.

"Any flings?" Columbia asked.

Frank rolled his eyes, then looked at her eyes. "I have had a summer love with someone in another galaxy. It was short. Her name was Ophelia."

Columbia nodded. "I love visiting other galaxies. I had a fling with a Venusian named Jesse Rocket."

"What was he doing in Transylvania?" Frank asked.

"He was lost in space. He showed me a whole album he got on his visit to Earth all about what exactly happened to him. I loved it and fell for him." She answered.

Frank asked "What happened?"

"I guided him too well. He left me for some Andromeda chick." Columbia answered.

Frank shrugged. "Well, at least you weren't dumped for her sister." He implied something deeper. She touched his hand.

The bell rang. The day faded into the next, when Frank came in with his own gloves and goggles that were more for show.

Columbia smiled. She wore a tight, short, white, button-down dress. In Transylvania, no one cared if you walked into a lab looking like you were a slut. There was a complete lack of dress code. Columbia sat on a desk with her knee-high boots that matched her hair. There was piping that matched the boots too along her sides and on the edge of the collar.

Frank smiled. "So what is up with what you are wearing?" He asked.

"I needed to look good for the big day." She said.

"Miss Ansalong, please sit in a _seat_ _not_ on a desk!" The teacher exclaimed.

She rolled her eyes as she slipped into her desk. Frank wore his leather jacket he didn't mind getting gross, the David Bowie shirt he picked up when he performed in Transylvania one summer and black jeans. Columbia smiled at him.

The teacher explained the lab, despite the fact Frank knew the whole thing. Instead of etching into his desk, he looked at Columbia. She was paying attention and even writing notes, as if he didn't know how to cut open a frog. He didn't want to just do the whole thing by himself anymore. When they split into their groups, she walked towards him.

"Oh my god! I love your shirt!" She exclaimed.

"You like David Bowie?" Frank asked.

Columbia nodded. "Jesse and I used to make out to Space Oddity."

"I always liked Heroes." Frank noted.

Columbia got a huge smile on her matching red lips. "I love that song!" She exclaimed. Frank smiled.

Frank put in two of the pins on his side of the frog. Columbia put in the two on her side. This was to make sure that while they were dissecting it didn't move. Oddly enough, as Frank put the pins in Heroes came to mind. Columbia couldn't get it out of her head either. He cut the frog to peel away the first layer of skin and she pinned both sides. She cut to the guts with the scissors and he pinned the sides back. Frank had never felt a science project was sexier. They took out the parts the teacher asked for and then had to deal with all that sexual tension in the air.

Columbia looked at him. She asked "Did you have Heroes in your head?"

"Yes." He answered. "I had a love song in my head while I was dissecting a frog."

"Me too." She answered.

They stared for a bit, then the teacher called time and they wrote their lab reports, though Frank couldn't help but look towards her. The bell eventually rang and everyone left their lab reports in the box on their way out.

Frank stopped her on her way out. "Maybe we should listen to Bowie sometime. Maybe lunch."

"Sure." Columbia answered. She smiled.

He smiled. He took her hand almost accidentally. "I have to go to class." He told her.

"Where is it?" Columbia asked a little overeager.

"Math building." Frank responded.

Columbia linked her fingers in Frank's. "So is mine." She pointed out.

Their fingers didn't break on the walk. Columbia asked, "So tomorrow at lunch can I see you?"

"Just find the huddle. If you start to get lost, just call out for me." Frank responded. Columbia nodded. "You have a unique voice, I will be able to distinguish you." He noted.

Columbia's hand broke from Frank's as they arrived at her class. "This is my stop." Columbia said sorrowfully. Her hand didn't leave. Frank moved his apprehensively.  
"I will see you tomorrow." He promised.

"I may go home with Genta." Columbia responded.

"I would like that." He answered. They awkwardly parted ways to their respective classes. Both had huge smiles on their faces after they had left. They fallen and there was no way back.

Columbia lay in bed, staring at the picture she put of Frank there. She had various posters of him, plastering the walls. Most of them had at least one red kiss. She had been saving them since she met him in Magenta's house. She had all sorts of copies of pictures that Magenta let her steal for a little while. Any extra posters went straight to her. Thankfully, Frank did lots of appearances. He and Magenta were a brother-sister band for a little bit. So she had some posters of her best friend and sworn future husband on her walls. Yes, they were young because incest was expected later and neither wanted to go through with it. She had every album Frank ever recorded on. She had every interview, every video, every piece of merchandise. Frank N Furter was going to be hers. It finally felt real. She had already fallen in love with Frank. She felt happy his parents wanted their children to understand the ways of the commoner and go to school with normal people. Frank got a tutor only because he wanted to learn during the summer and do extra labs.

Columbia turned on the track of him and Magenta singing some old standard. She memorized Magenta's part completely so she could pretend she was singing with Frank. She stared at Frank's face on the ceiling until she fell asleep.

In her dreams she was alone. She was in a room surrounded in fog. She was wearing a long sleeved white dress and was looking for someone. She heard the bass in the background. She sang "Where have all the good men gone and where are all the Gods?

Where's the street wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?

Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need"

Frank entered on a white horse. Columbia sang passionately "I need a hero

I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night

He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast

And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

I need a hero

I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light

He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon

And he's gotta be larger than life, larger than life" Frank got off the horse and walked closer to her.

Columbia continued "Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy

Somewhere just beyond my reach there's someone reaching back for me" Frank and her reached for each other as they got closer. They touched.

"Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat" Frank came from behind and felt her stomach area, rising a bit.

"It's gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet" Frank took her into his arms an spun her as she sang.

"I need a hero

I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night

He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast

And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

I need a hero

I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light

He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon

And he's gotta be larger than life" Frank let her free and spun her out. "I need a hero

I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night" then back in. He let her stare for a little. Her hands moved to his shoulders.

"Up where the mountains meet the heavens above" She sang "Out where the lightning splits the sea" Frank touched the sides of her hips, moving to the back.

"I could swear that there's someone somewhere watching me" she sang "Through the wind and the chill and the rain

And the storm and the flood

I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood" Frank and Columbia inched closer and closer to kissing until the chorus came back and Frank spun her out. She kept singing as he kept spinning her in and out and doing all these complicated dance moves. She just wanted her hero to kiss her. He waited until the end when he lowered her after doing a complex aerial dance move. He then fiercely made out with her. When Columbia had to wake up it was the worst feeling in the world.

Columbia tried to push through the huddle of Frank's fans. "FRANK!" She exclaimed. She damned her relative shortness. Everyone was so TALL! She tried to get closer, but people just kept pushing her away. She tried yelling his name a couple times but that didn't help.

She sang "I, I wish you could swim like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim." He looked around for her and the crowd moved around and quieted down.

"Though nothing, nothing will keep us together

We can beat them

Forever and ever" she sang. Frank finally moved the crowd enough to get to her.

"Or we can be heroes,

Just for one day." He sang, coming closer to her.

"I, I will be king

And you, you will be queen

Though nothing will drive them away

We can be heroes just for one day

We can be us just for one day"

Frank held her. "Do you want to make me believe in fan-obsession love?" He asked. Columbia nodded. He kissed her.


End file.
